The Co-Pilot's in the kitchen with a spatula & he isn't afraid to use it!

Loves! The Co-Pilot is with us again to cast his keen culinary eye over seasons 1 & 2. What will he find? some hands down cheese & chive crackers? some out and out caviar & champagne corkers? or perhaps some cheap mouldy cheeses?...Over to you Co-P


Rose - Fairy Floss (6/10)
End Of The World - A cheese platter (7)
Unquiet Dead - A lovely glass of red (9)
Aliens Of London - A cheap surprising glass of champers (7.5)
WW3 - A cheap unsurprising glass of champers (5)
Dalek - A spectacular gateau that looks better than it tastes (7)
Long Game - Some toffees, mint creams & licorice that has gone hard (5.5)
Father's Day - Cordon Bleu! (9)
Empty Child - A cellar full of winning vintages (10)
Doctor Dances - A second cellar full! (9.5)
Boomtown - A cellar full of tomato juice :( (5.5)
Bad Wolf - Fabulous champagne & wonderful hors douerves (10)
Parting Of The Ways - ...Followed by a thoroughly wonderful meringue (8.5)

(insert ten-inch)

Christmas Invasion - A fun xmas bon-bon containing crappy jokes, a silly paper hat &
a hom-hum plastic trinket

New Earth - Artificial sweetener (4)
Tooth & Claw - A heart sunday roast (8.5)

(From this point on, the Co-Pilot gives a big contemptuous yawn to scores out of 10. Scores are for books fools!)

School Reunion - A favourite pasta recipe...overcooked
Girl In The Fireplace - A deliciously opulent tiramisu enjoyed amongst tender
embraces & longing sighs with your beautiful lover!

(oh Co-Pilot you old silver tongue you!!)

Rise Of The Cybermen - A hot cup of instant coffee
Age Of Steel - A (Lucozer?)-warm cup of instant coffee
Idiot's Lantern - Brussel sprout & anchovie pie
Impossible Planet - An exotic goulash
Satan Pit - Fondue!
Love & Monsters - Soggy chips
Fear Her - Burnt toast
Army Of Ghosts - The keys to the candy store
Doomsday - A delicious but unsatisfying feed from the candy store

Runaway Bride - Christmas turkey - in the figurative sense & no other!

Thanks Co-P!

I'm off to the fridge....
x Lucozer.

The Co-Pilot's message from the Vasmasphere (as told to the Lucozer in Delphon) Part One!

People's of Aneth, please attend carefully, the message that follows is vital the future of you all....


5 Best Dalek Stories...

1. Evil Of The Daleks
2. Dalek's Masterplan
3. Genesis Of The Daleks
4. Power Of The Daleks
5. The Daleks


Best Stories Not Yet Released on DVD...

Deadly Assassin (Oh Lucothther!, 9 out of 10!!)
Seeds of Doom
The War Games
Terror Of The Zygons
The Daemons
Silurians (next year!!! - ed)
Enlightenment
Sea Devils (next year w/ Silurians - ed)
Kinda


21 Wonderful Story Titles...

Talons Of Weng-Chiang
Pyramids Of Mars
Inferno
Fury From The Deep
Horror Of Fang Rock
Green Death
Masque Of Mandragora
Mawdryn Undead
Ribos Operation
Vengeance On Varos
Leisure Hive
Snakedance
Faceless Ones
Edge Of Destruction
Nightmare Of Eden
Claws Of Axos
Terminus
Keys Of Marinus
Armageddon Factor
Arc Of Infinity
King's Demons


25 Woeful Story Titles...

Deadly Assassin
City Of Death
Robots Of Death
Seeds of Death
Seeds of Doom
Mysterious Planet
Planet Of The Daleks
Planet Of Evil
Mind Of Evil
Mindwarp
Time Monster
Time-Flight
Time & The Rani
Invasion Of Time
Hand Of Fear
Enemy Of The World
Invisible Enemy
Attack Of The Cybermen
Revenge Of The Cybermen
Terror Of The Vervoids
The Rescue
The Chase
Colony In Space
Silver Nemesis
Delta & The Bannermen (the all-time clanger? - ed.)


Elocution!!!!!!!!(?)

Gilbert M "I was EGG-ziled from Vas-il-yip" "You need me & I need me!!"
Valentine Dyall "You wretched BOOUUUYYY!!" "rasp, cough, burn, melt, rasp, cough"
Soldeed "Lord Nimon, Lord NIIImmon"
Garron "Don't let me lose faith in you my boOOUUUyyy"
4th Doctor "You're a very beautiful woman..probably"
Borusa #1 "Runthible The Fatuouth" "Oh Doctor!...9 out of 10!"
David Collings
Kevin Stoney "MmmmmPppaacker"
Borusa #2 "The teacher..learns..from the student!!!"
Borusa #4 "it was a game, within a game"

And the winner is!!!!.......Gilbert M...."You don't know his mOOOOOds!"


Doctor Who's 20 Golden Greats (out now on Dino Beta Video? - Ed)

The Daleks
Dalek's Masterplan
Power Of The Daleks
Evil Of The Daleks
Tomb Of The Cybermen
Abominable Snowmen
Web Of Fear
Fury From The Deep
Invasion
The War Games
Spearhead From Space
The Silurians
Inferno
The Daemons
Genesis Of The Daleks
Terror Of The Zygons
Pyramids Of Mars
Seeds Of Doom
Deadly Assassin
Robots Of Death
Talons Of Weng-Chiang
Horror Of Fang Rock
City Of Death
Leisure Hive
Logopolis
Kinda
Earthshock
En....zzzzzzzzzzz...gurgle...zzzzzzzzz!


At that point the Co-Pilot's eyebrows fell silent. Nothing like impending contemplation of latter-day JNT-era fare to send you to sleep....

When he wakes up & transmits further, you will all collectively be the first to know...

Night night Co-Pilot, sweet dreams...Lucozer

A radar blip from Vasilip!!!

Loveys!!!! It seems that the Co-Pilot has re-stablished contact with Wuundanoogoo HQ!!! For the past several weeks he has been on a desperately dangerous covert mission to return Gilbert M from exile to his home planet of Vasilip & help him to rouse a 'revel-you-shhnn' & seize power. Nothing has been heard from the Co-Pilot since he was 7 days out from our HQ on Aneth. Until now!!

The message we have recieved has no sound & the picture is badly affected by astral static & solar flares, but we believe it is indeed the Co-Pilot trying to communicate with us. Luckily the Co-Pilot is fluent in at least 58 alien dialects & body languages; including Delphon!. The lack of sound is therefore only a minor hindrance. Our translators are reading The Co-Pilot's feverish eyebrow undulations as I write.

It seems that the mission was thrown into chaos & disarray when The Co-Pilot's Skonnon Star-Cruiser crash landed on entry into the Vasmasphere. Sadly, from the early part of the message we have assertained that Gilbert M's own long time & long in the tooth """Co-Pilot""", Joseph C, perished in the crash.

The Co-Pilot's Delphon message is hardly revealing what would be expected. No detailed damage reports, no escape plan. His eyebrow elocution is also proving erratic. He seems to be reeling off blushingly nerdy cum exquistely wondrous "top" lists with head spinning speed! Has the crash affected his mind? Or is it a masterfully disguised code? Has he in fact been captured, & not want wanting his true identity to be discovered, been forced to encrypt his true message in the frothiest of fan boy foam. Stay tuned folks........

My dear Wuundanougats!

The Co-Pilot & I have spent the last couple of weeks ruminating over the season 3 finale & the state of our beloved 'Doctor Who' in general. This coming sunday we will be presenting our joint summary tome. Apologies for the delay, we have been polishing our superlatives (didn't take very long) & sharpening our damnatives (took somewhat longer). See you soon chums...

Lucozer....

Catherine Tate - Doctor Who Season 4 - Let's stick to the point!

Just wanting to clarify my position re: the casting of Catherine Tate. Even though I am extremely unhappy about the casting news, I'm also appalled at the venom & nastiness being directed towards Ms Tate as a person by some fans in the wake of this decision.

The problem lies mainly with the deeply flawed character of Donna & also the Production Team's prediliction for stunt casting & the more tiresome elements of popular culture. Let's keep to the point & not make this decision an opportunity for cheap personal attacks on Catherine Tate.

There is no way the Production Team will pander to fan opinion & change their decision on the Tate casting. No way. That would set a precedent from which they would never escape. 'Art by committee' is completely undesirable, even when the 'art' is questionable or flawed. So this is how it will be whether the decision is popular with fans or not.

So to Catherine; I wish you luck & hope you display the subtlelty that I'm sure you are capable of. I honestly hope you prove the vast majority of fans (including me) entirely wrong.

Dealing with the inevitable, The Lucozer..

Doctor Who - Season 3 Report Card...

Hello fellow Whovians!!

I guess we are are now also; to greater & lesser degrees... Tennantians, Barrowmanians, Simmians & Freemian Agyemians...

Anyway, I digress, I am not yet ready to commit my thoughts about 'Last of The Time Lords' to the cold, yawning vastness of cyber space. However, now seems an apt time to (very) briefly summarise my thoughts about the season, story by story, to bring things up to date.


Runaway Bride - Flashy chase set-piece aside, utterly wretched. Red card...5/10

Smith & Jones - Suprisingly good romp that transcends it's silliness...8/10

Shakespeare Code - A shallow confection & a wasted opportunity...6.5/10

Gridlock - An unexpected heart string tweaker, against the odds...8/10

Daleks In Manhattan - Sub par & disconcerting...6.5/10

Evolution of The Daleks - Imagine drinking your own urine with some toe-nail clippings & belly button lint thrown in for good measure &..Voila! You're half way to imagining this travesty!...5.5/10 (So bad it deserved a three line review!)

Lazarus Experiment - Slight but fun, with a cracking climax...7/10

42 - Gripping & genuinely scary. Add two hunks & you've got a happy Lucozer...8.5/10

Human Nature - Stylish, adult & only just short of perfect...9/10

Family Of Blood - Something of a let down, but still highly watchable...8/10

Blink - By turns charming & terrifying. A splendid oddity...9/10

Utopia - This is the stuff! Silly savages aside, I was on tenderhooks...9/10

Sound of Drums - Lots of dressing, not quite enough green leafy vegetables...8/10

Last of the Time Lords - TBA....


The Co-Pilot & I have decided to team up for our final blog onslaught for season 3. We will each contribute our LOTTL thoughts & the Co-Pilot will also deftly deliver a sweeping examination of the last 4 stories of the season, in one final gargantuan tome. Keep your eyes peeled wuunda-nougats!? wuundanoo-gettes?....


Sincerely, Lucozer....

Mother of All Doctor Who Marathons: Part Two

After viewing 'Seeds of Doom' & by now pretty drunk, The Co-Pilot & I fought off tiredness to have a squizz at part one of 'Planet of Spiders'. Much to my pleasure & a smidge of surprise, it was an atmospheric & creepy first episode. The Yates/Sarah car crash & chanting scenes are particularly striking. We decided it was a good point to stop & turn in for the night, remembering what was to come.

The following morning, with fresh eyes & brains, we picked up with part two. Like 'Invasion of The Dinosaurs' earlier in the season, a strong first part is followed by a sharp decline in quality in ensuing episodes. Parts 2 & 3 are largely taken up by an extended chase sequence. It seems as if the Production team got to the end of the season & realised that they hadn't met the stipulations Mr Pertwee had made in his contract that during the season he must get to drive 'abtholutely everything that goeth!' on God's green earth. They had to shoehorn it all into the last story. It's all good fun, but the chase is also what you would find on an online video encyclopaedia under 'padding'. It takes the cake (& the cake tin, the oven & the baker) in that regard.

After parts 2 & 3, the Co-Pilot & I seperated our conjoined Dr Who brains for a few hours to continue on with such trifling matters as washing, eating & connecting with the outside world. We reconvened during the evening to watch 'Blink' with our other chums & they joined us for parts 4-6 after that.

So, some more problems with this story before I find praise for it. There is some ghastly CSO (points for trying to create a truly alien looking world though) & the design is pretty drab across the board. The spiders throne room looks like a showroom for 1970's classroom furniture. POS also contains some of the most wretched performances by guest cast in the history of the show ("my husband, husband!"). The natives are as wooden as they come & rouse no interest or sympathy. The most awkward performance is that of the chap playing Lupton. It is a crucial role as he is the main humanoid villian. He fails to convince; his acting 'style' an amateurish mix of 'Harold from Neigbours'-esque bluster & constipation. He manages to convey the abominable nature of his character, but that's about all. You can see all the cogs grinding & it's painful to watch. His cronies don't fare much better, all forgettable apart from his second in command who manages to muster a little mystery & depth.
Kismet Delgado tries to make up for all the wood by laying it on thick; "Until, until, until...bow down planets, bow down stars'. She could have wound it down about 3 notches & still been memorable.

'POS' is never dull despite all that hamstrings it. It is carried along by the unsettling sense of impending crisis for the Doctor & several iconic moments that are etched upon my mind & gave me such childhood joy. I speak of Tommy looking into the crystal, the spider appearing on Sarah's back & her speaking with the spiders voice, the Tibetan chanting. Marvellous stuff. Jon gives a strong final performance, handling well the the come-uppance he recieves for his thirst for knowledge & curiosity causing death & destruction. He also exhibits the wonderful humility & sensitivity towards other cultures & those he can learn from that I have come to expect & cherish him for. This is an area in which he excels & he is truly 'the man' among his other selves. Tom & Patrick could not do this as effectively & as genuinely as Jon.

The production does seem tired & so does Pertwee at times, but in a way that suits the conclusion of utter exhaustion & the desperate need for renewal. Kevin Lindsay's Cho-Je is a charming mix of frustrating enigma & cheerful wisdom. It is a lovely touch that he is there to comfort Sarah & give the Doctor's regeneration a helpful nudge. Lovely also that the Dr had been missing for 3 weeks since he had left to return the crystal. It created more emotional texture for Sarah & upped the ante for the final scene. POS is deeply flawed as I have explored (sorry about the trite ryhme) but it is really very much 'classic' Dr Who. What I mean is that so much of the show is of this quality & we adored it as kids. How many stories are in the league of Genesis & Pyramids? (2% perhaps?) I'd say that 40% of Dr Who stories are in the ballpark of this story & that was more than enough to make a fan of me & keep me watching.


So onto 'Blink'....

Perhaps not the absolute pants wetter of promise? It was still jolly scary at times. The idea of an alien that can only act when not observed. Marvellous. The subtle changes in the statues as a person passes across our view of them are fantastic. The scene in the basement with the flashing lightbulb is one of the scariest in Dr Who ever. That would make any 'scary bits' mix tape I could muster. Wonderfully claustrophobic. The Doctors plot to have them look at each other is a clever little peice of Doctorly derring-do as well. Great stuff.

I was pleased that the Doctor & Martha are scattered through the episode rather than just in one tack-on scene. It made their presence (or lack of) seem much less like the contractually stipulated (week off?) that it is. This ripping little pot-boiler gives last years Dr-lite 'Love & Monsters' a good seeing to in every respect.

The 'lead' guest cast are pretty solid all around, with the added benefit of a few sexy minxes for the chaps who are into that sort of thing. As for me, I had to make do with the lad from the 20's & his all too brief moment. Oh well, I have had it pretty good so far this season. Unckie Rusty is taking care of my needs in that respect pretty well this year. & Capt. Dick is bringing 12" of sexy back next week!

So lots of clever & scary & very little groan & grimace. Let's hope this is a mere tasty apertif for the mouth watering banquet ahead.


(Exhasuted & waxed out) Lucozer....

Mother Of All Doctor Who Marathons: Part One

The Co-Pilot & I have just this weekend subjected our wits & senses to a mammoth Doctor Who marathon during which we imbibed 16 episodes of Dr Who (including a fresh out of the oven 'Blink') over a 30 hour period. About 9 of those 30 hours were taken up by exhausted sleep, so we didn't do much else. It was fab!

We began our epic eyeball workout on Saturday afternoon with 'Greatest Show In The Galaxy'. I was expecting the usual latter-day JNT era garish, panto-esque trimmings for sure, but I was also expecting a redeeming dark & unsettling undercurrent & some moments of genuine terror & suspense that would lift the flawed production to (dare I say) late-era-minor classic status (lots of qualifications I know). Sadly, I was disappointed in every diabolical department. Performance wise, McCoy is merely competent (with the requisite grimacing teeth & rolling 'r's in plentiful supply). He falls short of his later impressive performances in the likes of 'Ghostlight' & 'COF'. Sophie Aldred really has very little to do & like McCoy is a fair way off her season 26 peak.

The guest cast are uniformly poor (varying from wooden dullness; 'Flowerchild', to excruciatingly OTT charicature; 'Nord', 'The Captain'....) with one glowing exception; The Chief Clown. He scales grand heights of sinister menace when considering the lack of effort & credibility around him. I love his breathy, wide- eyed, halting delivery of his lives. He obviously thought about the character for more than two seconds. His smily face/ hand gesture is absolutely magnificent. This is the stuff of Dr Who! Vaguely disturbing & perfect for playground imitation everywhere. If the Co-Pilot & I were still in year 3 at school (maybe even year 11 if no one was around!), we would be mimicking that gesture at recess tomorrow without a doubt. He nailed it & no one else in the sorry cast did.

The concept is quite a strong one; the Gods of Ragnarock on an unceasing hunt for thrills through the aeons, destroying performers who fail to quench their thirst for entertainment or can't keep them interested. Also, the idea of the story being a parable for the whole show itself is potentially interesting & quite noble, but the design, direction & script are all blushingly sub par & render those promising ideas sadly impotent. Clunky camerawork, wafer-thin characters, laughable dialougue ('your kites, your beautiful kites' delivered with all the panache of a plank of 2 b 4) & as for the sass-talking stereotype that is the Ringmaster throwing 'baby's' around willy nilly.... All these awful elements add up to a wretched mess. The 'Happiness Patrol' is often held up as the 'finest' example of all that was wrong with late 80's Dr Who, but this is the grand contender for that ignoble title for me (from season 25 at least). The best that can be said about this rubbish is that it is still a good deal better than most of season 24. This would get Dr Who a life sentence in a court of Televisual law, whereas most of season 24 would see the show on death row.

Some good incidental music aside (which can often lift drivel into atmospheric watchability) this just doesn't work. I really thought this was going to be much better & I didn't really expect that much from it, which is often my downfall when trawling the 'Who archives'. I knew I'd have to sift through the shit to find the nuggets (gold ones that is). One nugget (the Chief Clown) & a load of...

After the brief detour of a Traveling Wilburys documentary & a marvellous dinner at a nearby Cafe, we then recommenced the marathon with the esteemed 'Seeds of Doom'.

We began with episode 2 as we had watched & thoroughly enjoyed part one on Youtube a week ago. I expected a lot from this grand & ambitious epic & for the most part I wasn't disappointed. Parts 1 & 2 particularly, at the Antarctic base, are a master class in 'how to do' Dr Who. Claustrophobic camera work, moody visuals, strong nuanced performances, inspired characterisation & taut direction all topped off by one of the greatest incidental scores in the history of the show (by the wildly talented & shamefully underused Geoffrey Burgon). The strings & woodwind score is absolutely bone chilling & used to brilliant effect.

Tom Baker gives one of his greatest performances; well past the finding-his-feet nerviness of his very early episodes & before the 'bored & restless God' schtick of his mid to late era, he is sublimely alien. No one can touch him. I would even go so far as to say this is as good as our beloved Doctor gets (nudging out Troughton by the thinnest of whiskers). Tom can turn on a needle head. From disarmingly flippant to brutally intense in half a blink. Even after 25 years of innumerable viewings of his work, his deftly delivered one liners & masterful body language had the Co-Pilot & I in complete awe. From hysterical laughter to slack jawed disbelief, we were but putty to a true master. The fact that even his throwaway quips & boggle-eyed grinning head tilts made us leave the comfort of warm rugs on a cold night to rewind the tape on more than one occasion speaks volumes. The man is a genius & this was him near his peak.

There is really not much to criticise. Tony Beckley's 'Chase' is a textured & fascinating adversary. He only has a couple of slight stumbles. His second or third take on 'Why am I surrounded by fools/ imbeciles/ idiots' seems flat & unispired, as if he's thinking 'oh dear, surely they could have found a slight variation on this daft line' or 'I already realised I'm among dullards half an hour ago, why am I so shocked to realise it again?'. I love the be-gloved symphonic wankery with his organ knobs. Wonderful disturbed villianery!

Of course the large Krynoid looks crap, but the sound it makes is wonderful & everyone involved plays with such passion & energy that it really is easily overlooked. Past viewings have lessened the deflation of first seeing it's silly CGI head wobbling above the mansion. Part 6 is where 'Seeds' falls a little flat & this perhaps partly explains why (particularly after the peerless first two parts) this doesn't quite rival 'Genesis' in fan esteem. The 'blow it up' finale & UNIT tack on is lazy & painfully predictable. It is also padded & the tension does drop well before the end of the episode. 'Seeds' had scaled such heights though & maintained them through the lions share of the story, that I can forgive it's coughing stumble down the home straight. Mr Camfield excels for the most part as we'd expect, but seems to realise a UNIT shoot 'em up finale is bound to be lame no matter how you play it. Perhaps he handed over the directorial joystick to a green but ambitious young Graeme Harper for the last half an episode & took off down the pub with Beckley!

Some of the grizzliest & most potent cliffhangers of all-time (Sarah clamped next to the opening pod, the blood & bone grinder set piece) are the icing a-top inspiration & class on all levels of the production. This a rare animal; utterly terrifying in childhood, pleasingly atmospheric, credible & entertaining in adulthood & also, a story to proudly show the 'non-believers' in our lives. A story that might just garner some sympathy & understanding for our strange obsession.


To be continued...

Next episode..I will wax on 'Planet Of Spiders' and 'Blink'...

Family of Blood - Lucozer's review

Hi folks,

Having watched 'Human Nature' again prior to 'Family Of Blood', I can see that my review last week was too easy on the former. I still agree with my criticisms, but to frivolously praise all else as masterful, gripping &/or fabulous was overstating the greatness of what was certainly a strong & involving, but far from perfect opening part. On paper, this two parter should have been the 'critical' highpoint of the season (with the 'whizz bang melodramatic' high point in the season concluding 2 parter going by past form). However, It was the not the 'superlative rousing', hands down critical high point of promise.

In all honesty, despite my best efforts to find it so, HN/FOB was neither as gripping & scary as '42' nor quite as emotionally involving & charming as 'Gridlock' for example. I could not say it was streets ahead of the better episodes of this season in any department. I am still hopeful to find the level of storytelling & tele-visual mastery that I expected from this eagerly anticipated opus later in the season, but as the weeks wind down, it seems less & less likely. I hope this was not the height of ambition & craftsmanship for the season.

I also recant my criticism of Freema last week (The Co-Pilot could be forgiven for calling me an 'intellectual muscle mary', or another suitable (loving) barb to that effect, on this point). I was wrong. I can't really pinpoint what I thought was lacking in her performance in 'Human Nature'. She is lovely to watch, disarmingly open & genuine. What a gem!

The Co-Pilot thought Tennant's performance was palpably lacking at some critical moments. I am a little less critical of him, but I see what he's getting at. This was his chance to give an era-high 'incarnation defining' performance (ala Tom Baker in 'Talons' or perhaps Troughton in 'EOTD') If the answer to whether he nailed it or not in that sense has to be 'yes' or 'no', the answer is, sadly, no. Come on Dave, I know you can! I thought he might be heading towards that auspicious crown during Human Nature, during which I found his performance to be charming & full of life & careful nuance, but he got the wobbles a bit in Family Of Blood.

However, that said, if Tom Baker & Troughton were forced by their scripts to keep making awkwardly adolescent offers to 'go steady' through time & space with them, to bits of crumpet they'd just met, I wonder if their performances would have been the flawlessly great ones we have to cherish in those previously mentioned stories. It has happened too often & it is frankly absurd that a character we have watched travel for aeons as a happily detached alien, has now offered his charms, in a wildly out of character manner, to at least 3 or 4 women he has just met in the space of about 20 episodes. Ludicrous. Ms Tate's excerable trainwreck being the most ludicrous example.

Even though 'Family of Blood' was a clear step down from a fairly strong set up in 'Human Nature', as a whole it was still quite polished & certainly never an embarrasment to the Dr Who canon. The young chap playing Tim Latimer was fantastic as was the young lad who played Baines. He gave a marvellously alien & disturbed performance which left the rest of his rag tag family in the dust. Although, as the Co-Pilot noted, he seemed disconcertingly alien even before he was possessed which lessened the impact. I liked the last scene between Latimer & the Doctor. It was quite charming & had a magic about it that helped slightly to alieviate my disappointment with the minutes prior.

Anyway, I've gone on too long this week after my miserly output last week.

Love & other bruises, The Lucozer.

The whiff of brilliance?! - A 'Human Nature' review from the desk of the Lucozer...

If I was to wax away about the good aspects of this weeks episode, I would be writing until the wee hours. As it happens, I'm hungry, tired & a little grumpy, so I'll just point out the problems with 'Human Nature' & anything I DON'T mention..well..you can assume it was masterful, gripping or fabulous, whichever you prefer. Or perhaps various combinations of the three? Up to you entirely my loves! The myriad of exciting permutations are virtually endless as you will see...well, at least 4, no...5, hold on...

Anyway, the scarecrows look a smidge silly in the bright lights of the dance hall under the harsh of eye of the digital camera. I would dearly have loved to have seen them on grainy early 70's style film stock (ala Silurians & Ice Warriors). Alas, 'tis nigh on impossible to find such pleasures these days. They do look great lurching across overcast corn fields though. Their movements were somewhat variable too. Some of the actors got it right, others looked as if they were auditioning for an RTD christmas panto version of the Elephant Man (claw!, hiss!! goes the Lucozer)

The last scene in the dance hall was a bit awkward & stagey don't you think chums? The previously subtle & refined dialouge turned all soapy & melodramatic for the big showstopping 'her or her' cliffhanger set-piece. 'Twas a bit of an anti-climax for mine. The lack of believability deflated the tension just as it was meant to be raised.

What else...Freema struggling a little this week perhaps?. The plot ambiguities & the 'acting within acting' may have wrongfooted her a little, but she's still smashing & the Sun can get *&^%. She's staying put!

So yeah! Next week! Rah rah rah!!! I'm doing a solo cheer leader pyramid. That's probably naughtier sounding that I intended it to sound. So fabulous! Leave that with you....


;) The Lucozer.

5, 6, 7, 8 - WHAT DO I APPRECIATE?!

Scores out of 10...with comments where I had them...


#5. PETER DAVISON

CASTROVALVA - 6.5
FOUR TO DOOMSDAY - 5.5
KINDA - 7.5
VISITATION - 6.5
BLACK ORCHID - 7
EARTHSHOCK - 8.5
TIME FLIGHT - 5 ("Shurrah sharubbish!")

ARC OF INFINITY - 6
SNAKEDANCE - 7
MAWDRYN UNDEAD - 7.5
TERMINUS - 6.5
ENLIGHTENMENT - 8.5 (Lynda's Wrack wasn't the only impressive quality!)
KING'S DEMONS - 7
FIVE DOCTORS - 8.5

WARRIORS OF THE DEEP - 6
AWAKENING - 7
FRONTIOS - 7
RESURRECTION OF THE DALEKS - 8
PLANET OF FIRE - 7.5
CAVES OF ANDROZANI - 9 (Morgnificent!)


#6. COLIN BAKER

TWIN DILEMMA - 4.5 (What dilemma? Whether to ever watch Dr Who again?)

ATTACK OF THE CYBERMEN - 7
VENGEANCE ON VAROS - 7.5
MARK OF THE RANI - 6.5
TWO DOCTORS - 7 (Pat scores about 4 of the 7 pats on the head here)
TIMELASH - 5 (Turdsplash!! sorry, it's just too easy with this one, I've got more..)
REVELATION OF THE DALEKS - 7.5

MYSTERIOUS PLANET - 7.5
MINDWARP - 5 (Komplete Yrcarwreck!)
TERROR OF THE VERVOIDS - 6.5
ULTIMATE FOE - 6.5


#7. SYLVESTER McCOY

TIME & THE RANI - 4 ("I have the overactyl, nothing can save Dr Who now!")
PARADISE TOWERS - 6.5
DELTA & THE BANNERMEN - 5 ("Here's to the poo-ture! crud is the answer!")
DRAGONFIRE - 6.5

REMEMBERANCE OF THE DALEKS - 8 (Nice one Keff!, you lost it a whole point)
HAPPINESS PATROL - 8
SILVER NEMESIS - 6.5
GREATEST SHOW IN THE GALAXY - 7.5

BATTLEFIELD - 6 (That muscle mary the Destroyer sums this up..all huff..no puff!)
GHOSTLIGHT - 8.5
CURSE OF FENRIC - 9
SURVIVAL - 7.5


#8 - PAUL McGANN

ENEMY WITHIN - 6 (McGann Whoknighted...9, Eric-ham Robertspur..Nil)


Thanks loves...The Lucozer

Doctor Who - '42' - Lucozer's Wuuhoo!!!

Bravo!! I'll say!!, the Doctor AND a good story!! I have very little to criticise in this most taut & tense of thrillers. Graeme Harper has delivered his finest directorial piece since 'Caves Of Androzani' & that's saying something because his work is always solid at the very least.

I was absolutely stunned at the intensity of Tennant's performance, particularly when he was infected & had to be frozen to -200 degrees. For the first time in the Tennant era he seemed genuinely scared & genuinely in danger. "Martha!...I'm scared" ... David!...I believe you!! Martha put in her best knock thus far as well. What a team it seems we well have to cherish.

The special effects were first rate & I'm delighted to say that we finally have another 'fetishistic gesture' from an iconic Dr Who creation to add to the grand pantheon; Silurian wobbling it's head light... Sontaron taking off its helmet ... Cardinal Borusa arching his eyebrow...now...Red mask creature lifting it's visor & smouldering at its victim. Fantastic! Shame it's a bit close in looks to the 'Empty Child' mask design, but I'll still gladly take it & run away with it to the secret cave where I keep my 'Dr Who precious'!!

The guest cast were uniformly good. The leader was a touch wooden at times, but I feel harsh saying that because she was really more than competent. Riley was it? the guy who was stuck in the escape pod with Martha? Oh my giddy aunt! I would like about an hour with him & the boyfriend kidnapper from 'Gridlock'...no questions asked. Actually, the first victim from '42', the leader's hubby/ boyfriend? can come along too. That'll make four..tag teams..wuundanoogoo!

As the Co-Pilot noted, it was absolutely 'Planet of Evil 2007' (sounds like a sexy dance party actually). Wonderful that the homage/ tip of the hat was inspired & scary. It could have been 'Rose' tainting the Auton legacy all over again, but mercifully it wasn't. I was riveted. Even 'Muzza' Gold managed not to raise the 'BBC Horny Dalek Baritone Men's Choir' fader for minutes at a time. In fact, the score had me in mind of the 'Five Doctors' at times, which is never a bad thing & the silences were truly symphonic!

What a precious little gem this is! & it's only the beginning of the glory road home! I haven't been this excited since 'Doctor Dances', ok, maybe 'Bad Wolf' if you must push me, ok ok, maybe about 3 minutes of 'Army Of Ghosts/ Doomsday' damn you!. Anyway, fab little sweeties, just fab!!!!

Cardinal Borusa minced it best when he waxed through pursed lips;
"Oh Doctor!...9 out of 10"

Love, Lucozer.

Lazarus Experiment - Lucozer's Review

Well I've waited two days before reviewing 'Lazarus Experiment' because I haven't had too many free seconds to bang together. I am sober & I have had time to reflect. I'm not sure if those are good things for my review style. Oh well, here goes...

'Lazarus' was more subdued & credible than the trashy & laughable Dalek O-Puss inflicted on us over the last few weeks. It was less stagy & mercifully didn't seem to have been built around melodramatic, glittery set pieces. I do have to question the current preponderance for huge, boney, spider-ish CGI monsters though. It was 'Runaway Bride' all over again in that department & they NEVER look convincing.

Mark Gattis's performance was much like his wiggy blonde hair; not quite believable in my blog. He didn't seem to know whether to play it arch or straight. I feel for him though because the whole show has struggled with the same dilemma since 2005. The humour is often too wet & self concious for the show to be taken absolutely seriously, but Doctor Who is not & should never be the lazy 'topical comedy' show it strays dangerously close to being at times. Leave that role to 'Dead Ringers' who do it well. Not the lazy bit. You know what I mean!

That said, I loved the Doctor turning the organ up to 'eleven'. That is exactly the kind of humorous pop culture reference I was speaking of in a previous review. It is from a cult film that is over 20 years old, not everyone knows it and it's not sucking on the dry, tired teat of the latest mass trash phenomenon (Big Brother, Weakest Link etc etc - although those ones were quite well done).

I like Tish, she's a cutie. Leo is too, but as the Co-Pilot said to me in our post episode de-brief, he doesn't have much of a character to play with yet. Maybe he gets a starring moment later in the season & the part gets fleshed out. I hope so. I'll leave the analysis of the Doctor's relatively avuncular & bloodless attitude to Martha to the Co-Pilot, who I'm sure would like to step into the breach of the Doctor's seeming uncertainty & leave no doubt!

Lazarus in a sentence; not bad, much better, still not good enough.

Love, Lucozer

Lucozer's extra bits! for 'Evolution OTD'

I feel like I was a bit of a nasty pants in my review this week. The episode was dire, but perhaps I got a bit carried away with my haughty snub nosing & didn't really try to find the diamonds in the muck. There were a couple, rough ones perhaps, but diamonds nonetheless.

I very much liked the 'will we see him again' moment when the Dr & Martha paused before getting back into the TARDIS; very much a Doctor Who moment. I can't remember too many 'will we see/ meet XYZ again' moments so far in the new series.

I also liked the Daleks conspiring against Sec like naughty school boys. The eye stalk nervously scanning the tunnel was hilarious. It was silly, I laughed, marvellous!

That'll do..it was still bollocks. Exactly 40 years on ('67 to '07) 'Evolution' is entirely unworthy of sharing the initials of the original 'EOTD', the sublime 'Evil Of The Daleks'.

Warmest fuzzies!, The Lucozer.

Flagellation Of The Daleks!

What a load of rubbish. As the Co-Pilot rightly said, so much of this episode was for pure effect and was lacking in subtlety, originality & inspiration. This was best exemplified by DT's 'just kill me then' speech in Hooverville. Poor Davo, he's been doing so well but even he, when confronted by such melodramatic dialouge, can't make it look behind it's shoulder so he can run away! Dalek Sec was abominable in every respect, the mask looked silly and it might as well have been Eric Roberts' head up the octopuses bum. He might actually have done a better job (gulp!) with this most awkward, wrong footed creation. EOTD, like the 1996 telemovie, is an uncomfortable mix of the Anglo and the American. The mix could work, but once again it's not given a chance because of the peddling of tired cliches and stereotypes. The faux-American elements just come over cheesy, grating and painfully forced. Tallulah being the prime example among many.

EOTD stumbles from set piece to set piece with lashings of 'shock' and 'awe'. Actually, there's not really much shock. It is painfully obvious from the start of each set piece which emotions we are going to be led by the nose to feel. If there is any uncertainty, as the Co-Pilot rightly says, the bombastic incidental music soon leaves little doubt. The dialouge was for the most part so ridiculously overblown and 'plotty' that moments that could potentially mine rich emotional and dramatic veins are laughed out of the loungeroom and out the back door in shame. Dalek Sec too, cow udder for a head (nice one CP), waxing emotional in a dodgy New York drawl? Funny for about two seconds until you realise this is meant to be serious, months were spent creating this tosh and that I expect so much more. The last ten minutes or so seem like an escalating joke among stoned teenagers...and then this could happen..ha ha...and then then that could happen...haha, that's f&*^king ridiculous, no no, how about this...The zenith of the stupidity was the chained Sec being led onto the stage S&M gimp style on his hands and knees. Unspeakable. Daleks as masters and slaves..ooh er!..Oh how they laughed and slapped their thighs in the Production Office!

Doctor Who is eating it's own tail, or maybe it's eating something else's tail? With it's Frankenstein referencing and Back To the Future aping, it seems to perpetually set itself up as the vaguely annoying, idolising geeky younger cousin to these things. Not even as an equal. Doctor Who shouldn't be bowing and scraping to the likes of Buffy or Back To The Future. Doctor Who should be setting it's own standards and needs to come up with new ideas, not fourth-hand rehashes. If it must reference other things, they should be more obscure and more subtly threaded into the story; analogies of tales from mythology, cult movies, it's own rich past even (rather than it's own wobbly previous season as the Co-Pilot pointed out). What is needed is elements with more to offer the story than what the Co-Pilot and I have derogitarily dubbed the 'fabulous effect'. The Simpsons finds a marvellous balance of the obscure and the obvious with its cultural and pop-cultural references. Doctor Who hasn't got the balance right yet.

Last week it looked as if we had a noble failure on our hands with this two parter. This week was so ridiculous that I can no longer give the nobility box a tick. I feel this story had the fractured clunkiness of lots of script editing (or adding) around it's flashy bits. All that said, I'm waving my pom poms for DT right alongside the Co-Pilot and I liked the fact that Laszlo remained half pig. Actually, I can't say that I want my 45 minutes back despite the dressing down I've dished out. Some shameful, twisted part of me still managed to enjoy this mess at some level. It certainly had some whizz bang. I think I should get a cat scan.

Love, Lucozer.

Some afterthoughts from the Lucozer about DIM

Just a little afterthought about 'Daleks In Manhattan'. I've read that RTD gave Helen Raynor a shopping list of ingredients to weave into her script. I have just one question..WHY? It's not as if the elements given to her to twist her script around were essential to the overall story arc of the season. They are utterly frivolous, so why interfere? Frivolous elements are only acceptable if they are genuinely funny or entertaining. The pig men & the showgirls qualify on neither account. I agree with the Co-Pilot. Why pig men again? They looked ok at best & they've been done in a much more inspired fashion in 'Aliens Of London'.

If Helen Raynor is talented enough to be commissioned to write a two-parter for a multi-million dollar institution like Doctor Who (& I believe she is), she is good enough to come up with her own shopping bag of speccy moments & idiosyncratic elements. Having them imposed makes them seem even more obviously & painfully the uninspired 'tack-ins' they really are. Think of the gritty adventure we could be watching with just the shady businessman & the poor workers involved in the Dalek scheme. Dark & desolate. My kind of Doctor Who.

Addendum: After a second (& sober) viewing of DIM, I've revised a few of my opinions a little. I was perhaps a little too harsh on the actress playing Tallulah. 'Sassy broad with a heart-a-gold' is a thankless stereotype to have to breathe life into. Her accent falters & there are plenty of cringeworthy moments, but I'd prefer OTT to wooden & forgettable any day. She gives it a lot of energy & I hope she gets a chance to improve. I also feel that with Martha, it is not so much a problem of 'wobbly characterisation' as I said in my review, it's more that there hasn't been very much of it (relative to Rose) thus far.

With Rose, the 'Companion's Journey' schtick was laid on thick. All her emotions & reactions were explored in intricate detail. It was almost a 'Time Travel & its myriad mystical effects on you & yours: 101' for viewers. This was probably a necessary evil to entice new & 'inexperienced' viewers, but now the training wheels are off & viewers are expected to make the connections for themsleves. We can assume Martha is feeling many of the same things that Rose did without time being spent/ wasted having to spell them out so blatantly again. This is a great thing because the focus is back on the Doctor (just in time for Tennant's more assured performance) the monsters & the scares. The intricacies & nuances of Martha's personality can be revealed more subtly & with a greater sense of mystery because the framework building stuff has been dealt with through Rose. I'm looking forward to it.

Oh & the incidental chanting music just before Dalek Sec's 'reveal' was diabolically inept & over the top. There were 3 pained groans in unison in my loungeroom. Never a good sign. Til next time.....

Lucozer.

Lucozer Does Manhattan!

Hmm, not quite sure what to say, my reviews usually start with a confident flurry. I should say our reviews are always written immediately after viewing the episode to give them a feverish freshness & to capture the 'bubble & squeak' of the moment. A moment that has usually been aided by quite a few potent beverages. I'm stalling. Well, to start with the easy things...Tennant was once again very solid & has been far superior this season compared to last. Freema struggled valiantly & put in a good showing despite the continuing trend of worryingly wobbly characterisation for Martha. We should have a better sense of her by the end of episode 4. All the attraction to the Doctor talk comes across as stilted & a little tired. We've (over)done frustrated sexual tension with Rose; just f*%k or shut up about it! Let's get on with marvellous monsters & fabulous shocks!

It all looked grand & polished, but there was just something lacking. That 'lack' was ably aided by the woeful performance of the vapid blonde playing Tallulah W&%khead. She 'performs' a truly atrocious wafer-thin stereotype. I hope she gets bumped off quick smart. The Daleks 'reveal' was completely lacking in tension & suspense, but I guess the director thought 'why bother' when the bloody thing was lumbered with a subtle & mysterious title like 'Daleks In Manhattan'! They should have taken a leaf out of the 'Earthshock' book of "whooaa, f%@k!!". Perhaps the internet has neutered the possibility of such a peerless shock ever happening again. Very sad. The Dalek dialouge, although never grimace inducing, had the uneasy & somewhat forced quality that seems unavoidable when the writer has been given the troublesome mandate of shoehorning the plot around a 'glitzy' set peice; in this case Dalek Sec's 'shocking' 'Extreme Makeover' 'reveal'. Half Dalek, half human! Joe Public will lap it up! ...screamed the production team memo no doubt. Well I didn't lap it up folks, but I liked it enough to watch next week with hope for improvement. Maybe I'd give this the edge over 'Shakespeare Code', but only just & it's a lagging third for the season.

Cheers, a disconcerted Lucozer.

DOCTOR WHO 2005/2006 - LUCOZER'S RATINGS

Hi folks,

The Co-Pilot & I would've dearly loved to have had our blog & myspace up & running as we witnessed the glitzy debut of the new series back in 2005 & as we nervously navigated the sterling peaks & slovenly troughs of the series thus far. Alas, our thoughts could only travel as far as across the loungeroom to each other & some like minded fellows during the first two seasons. Now that we may have some fresh ears for our thoughts to rattle in, I want to do a quick catch up. A very brief status check on our estimation of the stories so far...a score out of ten for each with a ONE LINE review!

Here's mine, The Co-Pilot's to follow soon....

2005

Rose - 6 / 10 (shallow & worrying)
End Of The World - 8 / 10 (above par intergalactic mardi gras)
Unquiet Dead - 8.5 / 10 (stylish fright in the dead of night)
Aliens Of London - 7 / 10 ("how about it love?")
WW3 - 5.5 / 10 ("not tonight dear!")
Dalek - 8 /10 (flashy but flawed)
Long Game - 6 / 10 (I already told you Rose, it's a wrecksuckocrapwhataboretous!)
Father's Day - 9 /10 (a 45 minute symphony of heart string plucking)
Empty Child - 9.5 / 10 (Dr Who!!!)
Doctor Dances - 9 /10 (menacing & masterful)
Boomtown - 6.5 / 10 (a fruity fart secretly enjoyed)
Bad Wolf - 9.5 / 10 (well tickle me fabulous!!)
Parting Of The Ways - 9 / 10 (Russell to a T. Davies!)

Christmas Invasion - 7.5 / 10 (luke warm egg nog)


2006

New Earth - 4.5 / 10 (a dry wretch from an empty stomach)
Tooth & Claw - 8 / 10 (there's life in the old queen yet!)
School Reunion - 7 / 10 (not MY Sarah Jane I'm afraid)
Girl In The Fireplace - 8.5 / 10 (intriguing & polished)
Age Of Steel - 7 / 10 (age of pig-iron maybe..or tinsel perhaps?)
Rise Of The Cybermen - 7 / 10 (moody moments, but not my Cybermen)
Idiot's Lantern - 6 / 10 (promising concept unfathomably ballsed up)
Impossible Planet - 8 / 10 (oooh!...a flash package on my doorstep!)
Satan Pit - 7.5 / 10 (vaguely disappointing contents of said package)
Love & Monsters - 6 / 10 ("lonely icing seeks cake, no time wasters please!")
Fear Her - 6 / 10 (see 'Idiot's Lantern')
Army Of Ghosts - 8.5 / 10 (brain setting...9 year old...Whooaw!!!)
Doomsday - 8.5 / 10 (ok ok...maybe just ONE more Iced Vo-Vo)

Runaway Bride - 6 / 10 (...for worse)


That's the lot then....

Love, The Lucozer....

GRIDLOCK - Lucozer dons a smock!

**SPOILER WARNING**

I wasn't holding out a lot of hope for 'Gridlock'; the Cat People, New Earth, a traffic jam? Not ingredients for glory I would have thought. On the contrary, I'm glad to say this was more than the sum of its parts. After an awkward first few minutes during which I settled in for the expected disappointment, I found myself increasingly engrossed & impressed. The special effects were a vast improvement on Gridlock's sister story from season 2 & the concept was a whole lot stronger; a city in trouble locks down into survival mode to protect it's people. I'm even prepared to overlook the ludicrous idea of people being stuck in cramped cars for years & not 'going postal' because RTD's brush strokes are so offhandedly confident. We're not really allowed too much time for nit picky plot poking. Never let common sense get in the way of a fab romp!

Apart from the frivolous & "fabulous" use of the Macra, there was little to fault. Where were the glaring & embarrassing flaws?. The scenes with the Face of Boe were well executed. Tennant has a lovely rapport with the Face. Hats & all other extraneous garments off to you RTD! You had the Co-Pilot & I in raptures & stitches with the lovely quip 'Don't you go dying on me you big old face'. Fabulous in the most fabulous way! Freema recovered quite well from a flat spot last week & Tennant is slowly but surely becoming the Doctor I've longed to take to my Bosom & then hold aloft.

Despite having to make a few leaps of logic (quite easy after several drinks - I'm even struggling to remember what I had to leap!) 'Gridlock' is far more credible & involving than 'Shakespeare Code'. Next week can't come soon enough.

THE SHAKESPEARE CODE - Lucozer Takes A Gander

Oh dear, could this be a tragic case of premature excitation on my part? I was so hopeful after the swagger & charm of Smith & Jones. 'Shakespeare Code' was by no means a travesty, but it fell way short of my geeky, fanboy hopes.

The witches looked awful, not ugly awful, just cheap & nasty awful. Poor Martha seemed lost in this wrongfooted mess. Freema was just perfect in 'Smith & Jones', but she ultimately flounders here with some poor dialouge & some shaky character development. I am still rooting for her in a big way though!

All the silly Shakespeare quoting & mis-qouting was naff & clunky. Dean Lennox Kelly, worth walking to the ends of the earth to have a cuddle with (at least), was hardly worth walking into the sitting room to watch on telly. He failed to convince as Shakespeare. The Shakepeare of my imagine is nervous, shy & perhaps a little wet. As well as being a hands down & up & sideways genius of course. Not a hunky Lothario with a quick wit you might meet down the local! The problem probably lies more with the flawed characterisation written for him though. DLK is a good actor.

Tennant on the other hand continues to impress thankfully. His new more serious & sombre countenance suits him rather well. If he keeps the mugging & eye googling in check, I may yet end up a champion for him. Shame about the little barbs at Martha in the bed scene though. They seemed forced as well as mean spirited under the circumstances.

Regrettably, the production team seem to have thought that the fabulous setting & grand guest star/ character would let them out of this one easy. Alas no, they failed to up the ante & I failed dismally to be impressed. Not a stinker of 'New Earth' proportion, but disappointingly lazy & half baked nonetheless. A potential 'Unquiet Dead' rival turned out to be another pasty 'Idiots Lantern'.

:( Lucozer