'Last of the Time Lords' Oh my giddy aunt, oh crumbs!!

I have held off on reviewing 'Last Of The Time Lords' for several weeks. I have now seen it twice & have had several weeks to sit with it & ruminate over it. My considered opinion? An inept, embarrasing & deeply frustrating travesty!

Here's why...Firstly; the casual off-handed nastiness of it. The Doctor has a dog bowl & lives in a tent with hay on the floor...Fabulous darlings!!...thought the Production Office! How wonderfully degrading! Oh! I know!... let's chuck a plastic pop song over it & have a whole glitzy montage of the Doctor's miseries inflicted by the Master. If you have to show the Doctor suffering (which is fine because it creates drama & makes his final victory sweeter) don't be so damned flip about it Russell & Co! Also, the shrinking Doctor looked utterly ridiculous. He was shrunk basically to make the Master seem more intimdating by comparison. This is lazy writing. Make the Master seem more intimidating by his deeds, his words & by the acting performance. As if the Doctor would shrink with age anyway? This is just arrant silliness. A chance to create a second rate Yoda/ Lord of the Rings type of gimp. And what was with the big eyes? "Oh we have to make him look REALLY sad because the viewers won't be able to just imagine that or draw their own conclusions". Why the oversize head? "oh we have to make him look tragic yet also strangely cute of course!"

The most disappointing thing however was the inexcusable laziness of the """RESOLUTION""" of Martha's character. If the unrequited love storyline was going to prove such an unresolvable problem, why push her character that way all season? We are robbed of the chance of watching her character develop slowly in confidence & wisdom next season by having her turned into a cliche no-nonsense action woman on a quest for "oh I don't know...a year?!, Let's make it seem REALLY dramatic" & writing her out for the lions' share of next season. A one minute montage of Martha sludging through snow & sleet for a year doesn't cut it for character development I'm afraid. Lazy, lazy, lazy. It seems the Production Office believes nothing gives a greater sense of drama than casually upping the scope?! A silly slitheen attack? Let's call it WW3!, Dalek & Cybermen trouble?, it's Doomdsay!!! Also, as the Co-Pilot pointed out, the casual reference to Japan burning after the Toclaphane attacks; show it damn it!! Big words, no action.

I won't delve into the ridiculous religious iconography & "magical" conclusion that 'flipped the bird' to hard science & credibility. Suffice to say it was rubbish. The delicate Paradox machine that the Doctor didn't want to breathe or even think too hard near lest he rattle it & break its concentration? Let's get Captain Jack to shoot from the crotch at it like a bi-sexual John Rambo. Everyone will have forgotten it's so delicate after the fabulous diva like re-birth of the Doctor & Murray Gold laying on the gluggy treacle. Anything's possible with magic! (and when you need to wrap up a ridiculously convoluted plot, a character (Martha) & a whole season in about 4 minutes)

'Sound Of Drums' was flawed, but fun & I really hoped the game would be lifted for this, alas it was an absolute fizzer. :( :( :(


A grumpy Lucozer...

The Doctor's Favourite Companions! (McGann/ Eccleston/ Tennant eras)

Grace Holloway - A ho hum character played fairly well, but who cares? The movie was a travesty with Eric Roberts the poison cherry atop a steaming turd. Don't mind him in Heroes though...

Rose Tyler - Hard to wrestle with. She was such a huge focus, sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Rose was played very well by Billie Piper, but the character should have left at the end of Parting of the Ways. How do you top someone absorbing the vortex, seeing all space & time & rescuing two people she loves from certain death? YOU DON'T!... that's how you do it. It was a huge comedown with Rose treading water all through season 2. The giggly & awkward relationship with Tennant didn't work anywhere near as well as the intense Eccleston/ Piper dynamic. Her increasingly flippant & know-all attitude started to grate too. That said, her farewell was marvellous & Army Of Ghosts/ Doomsday did give Piper a meatier role. A bridge too far with season 2.

Mickey Smith - Mickey improved over time, partly due to much needed character development & partly due to Noel Clarke's performances lifting after a shaky start. I like that he toughened up & gave up on Rose. I didn't like the silly dialouge he was always lumbered with..."Mickey Smiff!, defendin' the Erf!!". Supposedly he's returning in season 4. If it's without Rose & if he's got his blonde friend in tow, then MAYBE it will be ok...

Jackie Tyler - the 'mouthy Mum from the high rises' stereotype was a bit tired, but Camille played her pretty well. As with Rose, the season 2 stuff didn't work as well for Jackie, but I'm a bit of a softie for Jackie even though I don't believe in 'Domestic Who' generally.

Adam Mitchell - I suppose since I included the briefest of companions Katarina, I should include Adam. He was a bit wet for my liking & only competently played. It was a good decision not to keep him on after the 'Long Game', but then why even bother to carry him over from 'Dalek'. They could have just dropped him off between adventures. It felt pretty pointless.

Capt. Jack Harkness - A walking *^#" with a cheesy vaseline smile. Barrowman isn't the greatest actor & some of Jack's dialouge is often grimace inducing, but I like him. I really shouldn't. He's like a big bag of frosted peanuts. You know..the purple ones. They are bad for the teeth & sickly sweet...but you keep eating them. Once you get past the purple stuff though, there is a wholesome peanut inside. Where am I going with this? I don't even know. He had some lovely moments with Eccleston & his scene with Tennant through the glass in Utopia was absolutely phenomenal. Barrowman got it just so! Oh damn it. Even his OTT "here we go again" shoot 'em up in LOTTL was fun. He was shooting from the crotch as only he can do. Leela for the men's men. Fab!

Martha - Sexy, stylish, warm, genuine. Freema seems to be all these things too. Sadly, another potential seasons worth of gradual, inspired character development was rushed & ruined by Russell's ridiculous end of season panto. They can't go back now though. Martha had her 'character development' in a 30 second montage of her trudging through sludge & sleet for 'a year'. Tut tus Russ! Now here's how to fix it...The finale was all a feverish dream; Martha was knocked out by a blow to the head by one of the futurekind in Utopia. Now take 2...Here's what REALLY happened...


That's it...

The Lucozer

Doctor Who 'Sound Of Drums' Review - Lucozer's drum solo (with SPOILERS)

Umm, er, scratch, scratch. Well it was gooood! but, um, was it the whizz bang 'give up & go home' episode we have been hungry to gnaw on like rabid dogs all week? No, it wasn't. Twas lots of ('spirit fingers' gesture) & not perhaps enough ('clawed hand with palm to the sky & a little shake' gesture...quite similar to the 'grabbing someones bollocks' gesture actually, but done at chest level) The Co-Pilot knows what I mean even if no one else does! It was lacking that special something that 'Utopia' had in oodles. The Co-Pilot felt it lacked the finesse & depth of emotion of Utopia & I have to agree. It had moments, but Utopia had us by the heart strings throughout the episode. 'Sound Of Drums' just gave them the occasional, slightly fumbled pluck.

The episode was dominated by Simm, who's Master so far seems to be a comic-book evil 'fool', all smart arse one liners & unresolved adolescent brattiness. It is not the Master I know or was hoping for. The Co-Pilot & I do feel though that if he starts in 'fifth gear', so to speak, there will be nowhere for the character to go. Perhaps he is now at 'Boomtown' level on RTD's 'fabulometer', with the intention of being cranked up to 'Bad Wolf' in a year or two. There may be some Rusty wisdom at work & we may have to live with a slow build if we want to see many more Dr/ Master tete-a-tetes over the next few years that aren't bogged down by plateaud repetition. Let's hope a darker, less comedic characterisation will emerge with time. Simm does well & is marvellously entertaining, but the characteristation (for now at least) is flawed & he is capable of much more than the (albeit expensive smoked) ham we have seen so far.

Capt. Jack felt a little superfluous to proceedings this week, I hope he gets more to do in the lavish finale. Freema's Martha was lovely to watch as per usual & was kept busy. Tennant was pretty strong again & one of the few moments of real emotion in the episode was seeing the resigned hopelessness in the face of the aged Doctor as he looked at the havoc being wrought by the Toclaphane. A rare occasion in the new series where I couldn't imagine an easy escape with a boastful quip & a good sonic screwdriver-ing. The other emotional bits were Martha's reaction to her family being bundled away in the van. The scene at her house was a tidy little action set piece. I also felt the scenes on Gallifrey were well handled. They looked sumptuous & had a suitable grand austerity about them. Lovely to see the Time Lord garb hadn't changed too. Speaking of nice little bits of fanboy foaming continuity; the Masters 'People's of the earth, please attend carefully' speech had me putting a big golden tick in a mental box & sending flowery notes of telepathic congratulation to RTD & his feverishly busy quill.

All the drum schtick (sorry!) had such a sinister, foreboding bent in Jacobi's hands; shame it became a nasty party trick set to the wretched strains of Rogue Traders with Mr Simm. Quite a let down even though the idea was clever. I hope there is greater significance to the drums to be explored next week, beyond the coded mobile phone bleeps.

So, the action was flash, the master's meddling using another species was truly in character (see 'Terror Of The Autons' & 'Survival' etc) & the cliffhanger was pretty tense. So let's have some more emotional resonance generally & a little less 'vengeful spoilt teenager' from the Master & we may yet have a classic on our hands. Instinct says it will be more 'Doomdsday' than 'Parting Of The Ways', which isn't a great thing, but neither is it bad thing. It is merely the lesser of two pretty goods.

Cheers & Chockers, Lucozer.

La Stupenda! (& I don't mean Dame Joan) - A Doctor Who 'Utopia' Review

Wow wee!!! The Co-Pilot & I were (briefly) speechless at the conclusion of this hum dingler of an episode. The Co-Pilot was heard to wonder aloud whether the last 15 minutes or so were the greatest in the shows (44 year) history? I was heard to reply, "shit yeah"! or something equally as considered & incisive.

Well, let's briefly pick at the minor problems before hanging some tinsel & whipping some double cream! The 'savages' looked a bit naff & their back story wasn't really developed enough (perhaps that's still to come). In fact, a sense of excessive rush pervaded the whole episode. It didn't need 2 parts to flesh things out, maybe just another 10-15 minutes would have sufficed. I was also disappointed not to see more from Mr Jacobi, his regeneration came too soon after his fob watch 'rememberance'. His brief moment of Master-ly menace was all too miserly & minute. In that small moment though, he showed the genius that has afforded him legendary status within his craft. The change in his eyes after he opened the watch & 'became' the Master was absolutely superb. He didn't need to wave his arms around maniacally or arch his eyebrows. True class Dezza!

On the 'goodies' side, Capn Dick Barrowman actually managed to convey some genuine depth & rouse some palpable pathos, particularly when he described having to live through nearly 140 chaotic & violent years of earth history, no doubt loving & losing many more times than anyone could be expected to endure & no doubt having to keep moving so as not to rouse suspicion of his unageing countenance. Barrowman is improving all the time & the character has become much more sympathetic in light of the revelations.

Tennant, despite the usual few moments of silly mugging & juvenile boasting, had some of his finest moments as well. The scene where he talks to Jack through the protective glass as Jack pulls out the big cylinders (ooh er) was just about faultless. I loved his delivery of "you're wrong Jack" & the whole scene really. He got everything right; tone of voice, gestures. Lovely stuff. The Doctor seemed genuinely spooked because Jack is beyond even his vast capacity for comprehension & imagination. I found their discussion striking & quite shocking. Can you imagine any other Doctor deliberately abandoning a good friend in that way? In the 'classic' series there would have been some silly sci-fi wank way to fix Jack & the Dr would never have left him. Not here though. There's no easy answer or 'it'll be alright' pats on the back. This is adult stuff. The themes are darker & more complex that we've ever had to deal with in Dr Who. At 30ish we are ready for it. We couldn't have handled that at age 8 probably. We have grown up; & finally, so has Dr Who.

This pivotal Jack/Dr scene was undoubtedly a difficult scene to play 'just right' because of the complexity of the emotions involved. Despite the frantic activity & high stakes involved, David & John play against the pervading mood of extreme tension with a lovely calm stillness, aided by Mr Harper's brill direction. This will be looked upon as a major scene in the canon. Theses will be written, mark my word.

Oh & I thought the blue crustacean lass was just lovely. Sad to see her dealt with so callously by the Master in his first act of unconscionable cruelty.

RTD, I beg forgiveness for ever doubting you. You are every inch of your 6'7" the genius that some say you are. Sure, you have had your best forgotten moments (New Earth, WW3), but you've also been near perfect (Bad Wolf & a couple of others) & you didn't take many wrong steps here. You have a vivid imagination & the masterful talent to wrangle your ideas into a cracking bit of 45 minute Teev.

The fob watch revelation was wondrous & the moments leading up to its opening as all the pennies dropped were utterly breathtaking. Even the wildly inconsistent Murray Gold had my stomach knotting (in a good 'scared shitless but very excited' way).

- A few predictions/ thoughts/ excited rubs (of my hands that is)

If the Master & the Doctor escaped out the 'back door' (so to speak) & into rusty old timepieces, did other Time Lords escape the same way? Is there a giant fob watch in RTD's pants pocket? The Daleks had their Genesis Arc. I'm certain the Time Lords will rise again!

How does the Dr escape the futuristic outpost? Does the Master send back the TARDIS with a programmed flight to trap the Doctor, who would rather be trapped by the Master than lose his beloved 'old girl'.

Is Tennant in it next week? He wasn't in the add. Will we now be having a Dr-lite AND a Doctor-less episode each season? Come on Dave! I can hear Willy & Patty turning in their urns. Absences are certainly not presences where the lead actor is concerned.

Anyway, questions, questions, criticisms, congratulations, questions...

Hurraaahhh!! Lucozer.....

Family of Blood - Lucozer's review

Hi folks,

Having watched 'Human Nature' again prior to 'Family Of Blood', I can see that my review last week was too easy on the former. I still agree with my criticisms, but to frivolously praise all else as masterful, gripping &/or fabulous was overstating the greatness of what was certainly a strong & involving, but far from perfect opening part. On paper, this two parter should have been the 'critical' highpoint of the season (with the 'whizz bang melodramatic' high point in the season concluding 2 parter going by past form). However, It was the not the 'superlative rousing', hands down critical high point of promise.

In all honesty, despite my best efforts to find it so, HN/FOB was neither as gripping & scary as '42' nor quite as emotionally involving & charming as 'Gridlock' for example. I could not say it was streets ahead of the better episodes of this season in any department. I am still hopeful to find the level of storytelling & tele-visual mastery that I expected from this eagerly anticipated opus later in the season, but as the weeks wind down, it seems less & less likely. I hope this was not the height of ambition & craftsmanship for the season.

I also recant my criticism of Freema last week (The Co-Pilot could be forgiven for calling me an 'intellectual muscle mary', or another suitable (loving) barb to that effect, on this point). I was wrong. I can't really pinpoint what I thought was lacking in her performance in 'Human Nature'. She is lovely to watch, disarmingly open & genuine. What a gem!

The Co-Pilot thought Tennant's performance was palpably lacking at some critical moments. I am a little less critical of him, but I see what he's getting at. This was his chance to give an era-high 'incarnation defining' performance (ala Tom Baker in 'Talons' or perhaps Troughton in 'EOTD') If the answer to whether he nailed it or not in that sense has to be 'yes' or 'no', the answer is, sadly, no. Come on Dave, I know you can! I thought he might be heading towards that auspicious crown during Human Nature, during which I found his performance to be charming & full of life & careful nuance, but he got the wobbles a bit in Family Of Blood.

However, that said, if Tom Baker & Troughton were forced by their scripts to keep making awkwardly adolescent offers to 'go steady' through time & space with them, to bits of crumpet they'd just met, I wonder if their performances would have been the flawlessly great ones we have to cherish in those previously mentioned stories. It has happened too often & it is frankly absurd that a character we have watched travel for aeons as a happily detached alien, has now offered his charms, in a wildly out of character manner, to at least 3 or 4 women he has just met in the space of about 20 episodes. Ludicrous. Ms Tate's excerable trainwreck being the most ludicrous example.

Even though 'Family of Blood' was a clear step down from a fairly strong set up in 'Human Nature', as a whole it was still quite polished & certainly never an embarrasment to the Dr Who canon. The young chap playing Tim Latimer was fantastic as was the young lad who played Baines. He gave a marvellously alien & disturbed performance which left the rest of his rag tag family in the dust. Although, as the Co-Pilot noted, he seemed disconcertingly alien even before he was possessed which lessened the impact. I liked the last scene between Latimer & the Doctor. It was quite charming & had a magic about it that helped slightly to alieviate my disappointment with the minutes prior.

Anyway, I've gone on too long this week after my miserly output last week.

Love & other bruises, The Lucozer.

The whiff of brilliance?! - A 'Human Nature' review from the desk of the Lucozer...

If I was to wax away about the good aspects of this weeks episode, I would be writing until the wee hours. As it happens, I'm hungry, tired & a little grumpy, so I'll just point out the problems with 'Human Nature' & anything I DON'T mention..well..you can assume it was masterful, gripping or fabulous, whichever you prefer. Or perhaps various combinations of the three? Up to you entirely my loves! The myriad of exciting permutations are virtually endless as you will see...well, at least 4, no...5, hold on...

Anyway, the scarecrows look a smidge silly in the bright lights of the dance hall under the harsh of eye of the digital camera. I would dearly have loved to have seen them on grainy early 70's style film stock (ala Silurians & Ice Warriors). Alas, 'tis nigh on impossible to find such pleasures these days. They do look great lurching across overcast corn fields though. Their movements were somewhat variable too. Some of the actors got it right, others looked as if they were auditioning for an RTD christmas panto version of the Elephant Man (claw!, hiss!! goes the Lucozer)

The last scene in the dance hall was a bit awkward & stagey don't you think chums? The previously subtle & refined dialouge turned all soapy & melodramatic for the big showstopping 'her or her' cliffhanger set-piece. 'Twas a bit of an anti-climax for mine. The lack of believability deflated the tension just as it was meant to be raised.

What else...Freema struggling a little this week perhaps?. The plot ambiguities & the 'acting within acting' may have wrongfooted her a little, but she's still smashing & the Sun can get *&^%. She's staying put!

So yeah! Next week! Rah rah rah!!! I'm doing a solo cheer leader pyramid. That's probably naughtier sounding that I intended it to sound. So fabulous! Leave that with you....


;) The Lucozer.

Doctor Who - '42' - Lucozer's Wuuhoo!!!

Bravo!! I'll say!!, the Doctor AND a good story!! I have very little to criticise in this most taut & tense of thrillers. Graeme Harper has delivered his finest directorial piece since 'Caves Of Androzani' & that's saying something because his work is always solid at the very least.

I was absolutely stunned at the intensity of Tennant's performance, particularly when he was infected & had to be frozen to -200 degrees. For the first time in the Tennant era he seemed genuinely scared & genuinely in danger. "Martha!...I'm scared" ... David!...I believe you!! Martha put in her best knock thus far as well. What a team it seems we well have to cherish.

The special effects were first rate & I'm delighted to say that we finally have another 'fetishistic gesture' from an iconic Dr Who creation to add to the grand pantheon; Silurian wobbling it's head light... Sontaron taking off its helmet ... Cardinal Borusa arching his eyebrow...now...Red mask creature lifting it's visor & smouldering at its victim. Fantastic! Shame it's a bit close in looks to the 'Empty Child' mask design, but I'll still gladly take it & run away with it to the secret cave where I keep my 'Dr Who precious'!!

The guest cast were uniformly good. The leader was a touch wooden at times, but I feel harsh saying that because she was really more than competent. Riley was it? the guy who was stuck in the escape pod with Martha? Oh my giddy aunt! I would like about an hour with him & the boyfriend kidnapper from 'Gridlock'...no questions asked. Actually, the first victim from '42', the leader's hubby/ boyfriend? can come along too. That'll make four..tag teams..wuundanoogoo!

As the Co-Pilot noted, it was absolutely 'Planet of Evil 2007' (sounds like a sexy dance party actually). Wonderful that the homage/ tip of the hat was inspired & scary. It could have been 'Rose' tainting the Auton legacy all over again, but mercifully it wasn't. I was riveted. Even 'Muzza' Gold managed not to raise the 'BBC Horny Dalek Baritone Men's Choir' fader for minutes at a time. In fact, the score had me in mind of the 'Five Doctors' at times, which is never a bad thing & the silences were truly symphonic!

What a precious little gem this is! & it's only the beginning of the glory road home! I haven't been this excited since 'Doctor Dances', ok, maybe 'Bad Wolf' if you must push me, ok ok, maybe about 3 minutes of 'Army Of Ghosts/ Doomsday' damn you!. Anyway, fab little sweeties, just fab!!!!

Cardinal Borusa minced it best when he waxed through pursed lips;
"Oh Doctor!...9 out of 10"

Love, Lucozer.

Flagellation Of The Daleks!

What a load of rubbish. As the Co-Pilot rightly said, so much of this episode was for pure effect and was lacking in subtlety, originality & inspiration. This was best exemplified by DT's 'just kill me then' speech in Hooverville. Poor Davo, he's been doing so well but even he, when confronted by such melodramatic dialouge, can't make it look behind it's shoulder so he can run away! Dalek Sec was abominable in every respect, the mask looked silly and it might as well have been Eric Roberts' head up the octopuses bum. He might actually have done a better job (gulp!) with this most awkward, wrong footed creation. EOTD, like the 1996 telemovie, is an uncomfortable mix of the Anglo and the American. The mix could work, but once again it's not given a chance because of the peddling of tired cliches and stereotypes. The faux-American elements just come over cheesy, grating and painfully forced. Tallulah being the prime example among many.

EOTD stumbles from set piece to set piece with lashings of 'shock' and 'awe'. Actually, there's not really much shock. It is painfully obvious from the start of each set piece which emotions we are going to be led by the nose to feel. If there is any uncertainty, as the Co-Pilot rightly says, the bombastic incidental music soon leaves little doubt. The dialouge was for the most part so ridiculously overblown and 'plotty' that moments that could potentially mine rich emotional and dramatic veins are laughed out of the loungeroom and out the back door in shame. Dalek Sec too, cow udder for a head (nice one CP), waxing emotional in a dodgy New York drawl? Funny for about two seconds until you realise this is meant to be serious, months were spent creating this tosh and that I expect so much more. The last ten minutes or so seem like an escalating joke among stoned teenagers...and then this could happen..ha ha...and then then that could happen...haha, that's f&*^king ridiculous, no no, how about this...The zenith of the stupidity was the chained Sec being led onto the stage S&M gimp style on his hands and knees. Unspeakable. Daleks as masters and slaves..ooh er!..Oh how they laughed and slapped their thighs in the Production Office!

Doctor Who is eating it's own tail, or maybe it's eating something else's tail? With it's Frankenstein referencing and Back To the Future aping, it seems to perpetually set itself up as the vaguely annoying, idolising geeky younger cousin to these things. Not even as an equal. Doctor Who shouldn't be bowing and scraping to the likes of Buffy or Back To The Future. Doctor Who should be setting it's own standards and needs to come up with new ideas, not fourth-hand rehashes. If it must reference other things, they should be more obscure and more subtly threaded into the story; analogies of tales from mythology, cult movies, it's own rich past even (rather than it's own wobbly previous season as the Co-Pilot pointed out). What is needed is elements with more to offer the story than what the Co-Pilot and I have derogitarily dubbed the 'fabulous effect'. The Simpsons finds a marvellous balance of the obscure and the obvious with its cultural and pop-cultural references. Doctor Who hasn't got the balance right yet.

Last week it looked as if we had a noble failure on our hands with this two parter. This week was so ridiculous that I can no longer give the nobility box a tick. I feel this story had the fractured clunkiness of lots of script editing (or adding) around it's flashy bits. All that said, I'm waving my pom poms for DT right alongside the Co-Pilot and I liked the fact that Laszlo remained half pig. Actually, I can't say that I want my 45 minutes back despite the dressing down I've dished out. Some shameful, twisted part of me still managed to enjoy this mess at some level. It certainly had some whizz bang. I think I should get a cat scan.

Love, Lucozer.