The Lucozer's VHS catalouge system!!

Hello dear reader,

I've had far too much to do lately, moving house mainly, so I've been short on time to tome! The place I'm moving to is quite small. One of my vexing dilemmas space wise is that it's been hard to find a place that is out of view of visitors but also rapidly accessible at a nervy nerd's notice to store my idiosyncratically labelled Dr Who VHS collection. I'm happy for the official BBC DVD's to be on view, for reasons I'll explain later, but my VHS collection is another matter.

At some point in the late 80's, I decided it was a good idea to colour code my VHS tapes by Doctor. I already had a folder with the contents of each tape fastidiously documented, so it seemed the next natural slash painfully anal & obsessive step towards perfection. I ran a strip of electrical tape down the spine of each tape cover & in black texta wrote the appropriate Doctor's name & the number of tape for that Doctor i.e. William Hartnell #4 or Tom Baker #27, each Doctor starting from #1 for their era.

My grand plan was for each Doctor to have his own individual colour, until I realised that I only had 4 colours & that Dad was never going to drive his uber geek son to the supermarket to buy electrical tape for Dr Who video catalouging purposes. And of course being a kid I also had to do it all NOW!! So, some doctor's had to share colours, but they had to have at least one other colour between them otherwise it just wouldn't do for the sake of easy differentiation. Hartnell was green, Troughton white, Pertwee red, Tom Baker green, Davison yellow, Colin Baker red & McCoy yellow. Hartnell was green because I randomly started with that colour, but Troughton was the sole 'white' Doctor as he is my favourite. I felt he deserved to stand alone & not share his colour. In fact, he's so cool he got a tone instead. The others were chosen based on my 'must be separated by another colour' manifesto. I think I also vaguely factored in how much of each colour tape I had, knowing that I would need a full roll of one colour, if not more, to complete the voluminous 32(?) tape Tom Baker collection. I must have had a big roll of green.

As luck would have it, all the colours lasted, but there was very little left of each & I think I copped a stern 'Oh Lucozer!! really!!!' the next time Mum or Dad needed electrical tape. I was very proud of my handiwork & they all looked rather grand lined up on my pine book shelf. It was much easier to grab for the correct tape using the number codes from my book & my splendid spine labels rather than craning my neck sideways & straining to read my tiny handwriting on the spine that would say, for example..

Robot 4/4
Ark In Space 1,2,3,4/4
Sontaron Experiment 1,2/2

As fans, I won't have to explain the numerical code to you. The eagle eyed will spot that 'Robot' (the first Tom Baker story) is missing parts 1,2 & 3. Were they therefore on the end of the previous tape with Jon Pertwee's swansong 'Planet Of Spiders' I hear you ask? I also hear you ask whether that awkward 'mixed Doctor' tape would then be considered the final Jon Pertwee tape or the first Tom Baker tape? (or both?) Well, the two doctors on one tape problem did trouble me. I usually decided that whichever Doctor had the the most episodes on the tape could claim it for their colour. Jon would win in this marvellous theoretical case. However, this theoretical tape didn't in fact exist as for some reason I didn't tape the first few parts of Robot. Tom Baker Tape 1 started with Robot part 4.

There was an exception to this 'most episodes' rule though, a case where I had a tape with 'Revelation Of The Daleks' parts 2,3 & 4 followed by 'Ark In Space' 1,2,3 & 4 (again), which I inexpicably taped twice, perhaps by uncontrollable compulsion. It was also inexplicable that the ABC followed one with the other in 1993 during the infamous 4.30am screenings. Anyway, I decided that because Colin Baker only had a very meagre 6 tapes & because I had 'Ark In Space' in its correct place, even though this out of place 'Ark In Space' was in better condition than the one on Tom Baker #1, Colin's 3 episodes would trump Tom's 4.

Other problems emerged with the passing of time. I would buy or record off telly a new story & have to painfully insert it into my inflexible system. Oh how I gnashed my teeth & grimaced! At first I changed each bit of spinal tape onto the next tape & changed the number in my book to accomodate the insertions. Jon Pertwee 6 would become Jon Perwtee 7 with the new one taking the formers number & so on etc etc. This proved intensely frustrating & time consuming, but my obsessive ways would not let me submit to the easy, lazy ignominy of, say, having a Jon Pertwee 6A! It was, to quote the wonderful Stephen Fry, "a thundering nuisance, I don't mind telling you!".

More time passed & through lack of having the correct colour electrical tape when I needed it &, thankfully, eventually getting a life, I ended up with a few 'vanilla' spines. Tapes without tape!? that were merely inserted in the correct chronological position. At this point, I decided to turn them all around to face the tapes own label outwards again. This way, they all looked blandly similar, could have been any old movie or tv show to the casual observer & did not look geekily arranged in any way.

Now, at this time of moving house, they just look a bit too ratty & hodge podge to be on display. Also, the few official BBC tapes look incongruous amongst my far more numerous 'taped off the telly' tapes & also give away my long time fanboy status. The BBC DVD's are ok, they look slick & tidy & don't suggest such an arch obsession. Several have now replaced their VHS counterpart in my affections. Also, the new series has leant the old series a quaint, ironic, post-modern cool. Phew! But only in retrospect though mind you!! VHS really does give the game away. NERD BOY!

I really don't care what people think. I'm being overly silly for effect. But tell me loves that you don't feel a tiny little squirm inside when a new partner looks at a whole bookshelf devoted to your slavish love for a show that more often than not has been sub par & sometimes downright embarrasing over its huge life span. Tell me you don't immediately go into defensive mode & feel the need to madly justify & qualify.

Back to unpacking boxes. Damn. How nice it was to procrastinate for a moment...

xx Lucozer..

Lucozers' DVD release wish-list

Doctor Who stories that should be released on DVD asap (with asterisks to indicate pressing urgency of release!!)


** Decent story. A worthy addition to the DVD shelf
*** Good story. slightly surprising it has been passed over thus far
**** Get it the #%&* out on DVD already!!! &*^%# to the wall classic!


In chronological order...


TIME MEDDLER **
A snappy little 4 parter & it would be the first full Steven/ Vicki release

WAR MACHINES **
A modest charmer & the only complete Ben/ Polly adventure

ICE WARRIORS ***
With animation (or preferably CGI) for the missing episodes 2 & 3

WAR GAMES ****
The extra star for the lavish packaging & bonus feature possibilities. The story perhaps only worthy of 3 & a half

THE SILURIANS ****
!!!!! My most anticipated release at the moment

TERROR OF THE AUTONS/ MIND OF EVIL/ CLAWS OF AXOS/ COLONY IN SPACE/ DAEMONS ****
A masterful Master box set. He appeared in every story in Season 8 so it makes perfect sense. A fitting tribute to wonderful Rog. This is really the only way I would buy Axos & the best way to flog off the dreary Colony

FRONTIER IN SPACE/ PLANET OF THE DALEKS ***
As the double header it really is, this 12 part space opera would be a superb anorak filler

DEATH TO THE DALEKS ***
Can't wait to hear the striking incidental music restored!

TERROR OF THE ZYGONS/ ANDROID INVASION ****
Linked by being the final two appearances for both Benton & Harry & also the final UNIT story proper (not including the brief scenes in 'Seeds Of Doom'). Zygons contains some of the finest incidental music in the shows history, as does the wonderful...

SEEDS OF DOOM ****
All hail Geoffrey Burgen! Best TB story not out on DVD as yet

FULL CIRCLE/ STATE OF DECAY/ WARRIOR'S GATE ***
A superb set that would be more than the sum of it's parts. The only way I would buy Full Circle

MAWDRYN UNDEAD/ TERMINUS/ ENLIGHTENMENT ***
A fab triple set of the Guardian trilogy. Enlightenment is the only individual story I'd rush out for, but together they are almost a match for the E-Space trilogy

PLANET OF FIRE **
A modest story. A polished production if a little bland. Certainly one of Ainley's best showings

TRIAL OF A TIME LORD ***
The bonus features & packaging will lift this one above its station

HAPPINESS PATROL ***
This should be considered the 'Rocky Horror' of the Who canon. People should have dress up parties to watch it & lay on hors d'oerves & champers!


Cheers, The 'Cozer

Oh..and as for the Animated/CGI Hartnell/ Troughton missing story reconstructions. GET MOVING BEEB!!!!PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!

Power, Evil, Masterplan, Fury, Web...the palette waters!!!

Mother of All Doctor Who Marathons: Part Two

After viewing 'Seeds of Doom' & by now pretty drunk, The Co-Pilot & I fought off tiredness to have a squizz at part one of 'Planet of Spiders'. Much to my pleasure & a smidge of surprise, it was an atmospheric & creepy first episode. The Yates/Sarah car crash & chanting scenes are particularly striking. We decided it was a good point to stop & turn in for the night, remembering what was to come.

The following morning, with fresh eyes & brains, we picked up with part two. Like 'Invasion of The Dinosaurs' earlier in the season, a strong first part is followed by a sharp decline in quality in ensuing episodes. Parts 2 & 3 are largely taken up by an extended chase sequence. It seems as if the Production team got to the end of the season & realised that they hadn't met the stipulations Mr Pertwee had made in his contract that during the season he must get to drive 'abtholutely everything that goeth!' on God's green earth. They had to shoehorn it all into the last story. It's all good fun, but the chase is also what you would find on an online video encyclopaedia under 'padding'. It takes the cake (& the cake tin, the oven & the baker) in that regard.

After parts 2 & 3, the Co-Pilot & I seperated our conjoined Dr Who brains for a few hours to continue on with such trifling matters as washing, eating & connecting with the outside world. We reconvened during the evening to watch 'Blink' with our other chums & they joined us for parts 4-6 after that.

So, some more problems with this story before I find praise for it. There is some ghastly CSO (points for trying to create a truly alien looking world though) & the design is pretty drab across the board. The spiders throne room looks like a showroom for 1970's classroom furniture. POS also contains some of the most wretched performances by guest cast in the history of the show ("my husband, husband!"). The natives are as wooden as they come & rouse no interest or sympathy. The most awkward performance is that of the chap playing Lupton. It is a crucial role as he is the main humanoid villian. He fails to convince; his acting 'style' an amateurish mix of 'Harold from Neigbours'-esque bluster & constipation. He manages to convey the abominable nature of his character, but that's about all. You can see all the cogs grinding & it's painful to watch. His cronies don't fare much better, all forgettable apart from his second in command who manages to muster a little mystery & depth.
Kismet Delgado tries to make up for all the wood by laying it on thick; "Until, until, until...bow down planets, bow down stars'. She could have wound it down about 3 notches & still been memorable.

'POS' is never dull despite all that hamstrings it. It is carried along by the unsettling sense of impending crisis for the Doctor & several iconic moments that are etched upon my mind & gave me such childhood joy. I speak of Tommy looking into the crystal, the spider appearing on Sarah's back & her speaking with the spiders voice, the Tibetan chanting. Marvellous stuff. Jon gives a strong final performance, handling well the the come-uppance he recieves for his thirst for knowledge & curiosity causing death & destruction. He also exhibits the wonderful humility & sensitivity towards other cultures & those he can learn from that I have come to expect & cherish him for. This is an area in which he excels & he is truly 'the man' among his other selves. Tom & Patrick could not do this as effectively & as genuinely as Jon.

The production does seem tired & so does Pertwee at times, but in a way that suits the conclusion of utter exhaustion & the desperate need for renewal. Kevin Lindsay's Cho-Je is a charming mix of frustrating enigma & cheerful wisdom. It is a lovely touch that he is there to comfort Sarah & give the Doctor's regeneration a helpful nudge. Lovely also that the Dr had been missing for 3 weeks since he had left to return the crystal. It created more emotional texture for Sarah & upped the ante for the final scene. POS is deeply flawed as I have explored (sorry about the trite ryhme) but it is really very much 'classic' Dr Who. What I mean is that so much of the show is of this quality & we adored it as kids. How many stories are in the league of Genesis & Pyramids? (2% perhaps?) I'd say that 40% of Dr Who stories are in the ballpark of this story & that was more than enough to make a fan of me & keep me watching.


So onto 'Blink'....

Perhaps not the absolute pants wetter of promise? It was still jolly scary at times. The idea of an alien that can only act when not observed. Marvellous. The subtle changes in the statues as a person passes across our view of them are fantastic. The scene in the basement with the flashing lightbulb is one of the scariest in Dr Who ever. That would make any 'scary bits' mix tape I could muster. Wonderfully claustrophobic. The Doctors plot to have them look at each other is a clever little peice of Doctorly derring-do as well. Great stuff.

I was pleased that the Doctor & Martha are scattered through the episode rather than just in one tack-on scene. It made their presence (or lack of) seem much less like the contractually stipulated (week off?) that it is. This ripping little pot-boiler gives last years Dr-lite 'Love & Monsters' a good seeing to in every respect.

The 'lead' guest cast are pretty solid all around, with the added benefit of a few sexy minxes for the chaps who are into that sort of thing. As for me, I had to make do with the lad from the 20's & his all too brief moment. Oh well, I have had it pretty good so far this season. Unckie Rusty is taking care of my needs in that respect pretty well this year. & Capt. Dick is bringing 12" of sexy back next week!

So lots of clever & scary & very little groan & grimace. Let's hope this is a mere tasty apertif for the mouth watering banquet ahead.


(Exhasuted & waxed out) Lucozer....

SOME THOUGHTS FROM THE CO-PILOT RE: THE JON PERTWEE YEARS 1970-1974

Considering how successful Jon's first season was - 3 absolute all-time corkers out of 4 - it is a massive crying shame the direction the Letts/ Dicks team took the show in. I like many things about their style - the environmental issues, the Buddhist themes, the advent of the Master etc. However, they unfortunately transformed the nature of the show from gritty, realistic, scientific & frightening to a fun, run around show. They made a massive boo-boo in employing Katy Manning & turning UNIT into a family unit instead of a military one.

Imagine if Peter Bryant, Derek Sherwin & Caroline John had stayed for Season 8, who knows how fabulous the show might have been? Anyway, it's easy to pick faults with other people's work in hindsight, but I can't help but think that Doctor Who could have gone in another direction all together had Sherwin & Bryant stayed around to develop their ideas.

Many of the Pertwee stories could have done with tighter & more inspired direction. The padding is perhaps the reverse of the McCoy era problem where too many half developed ideas were slap dashed together in only 3 parts.

Overall, Jon's tenure can be roughly split into three sections based on quality. His earliest four or five stories, which are generally his best. The next section contains about 6 or 7 stories which are also fairly good although not classics & the final group of about 12 stories is fairly patchy - with the best being passable & the worst being downright awful. I was surprised at this as I thought that Jon's era (like Peter's) was fairly evenly balanced...

The Co-Pilot