Doctor Who Season 4 Report Card!

I haven't had a blog in ages. Time to rectify that with one of my lazy one sentence quips about each story in season 4 now that it has finished...

Goodnight Sweet Russ! It was the best of times it was the metwurst of times


4.1) Partners In Crime - Flatulent, fruity & feeble fun...C+

4.2) Fires of Pompeii - CGI monster sinks another potential cracker-toa?...B+

4.3) Planet Of The Ood - I think this sentence must end soon; a boon...B+

4.4) Sontaron Strategem - 'Who's' homage to the SJA & after school specials?...B

4.5) Poison Sky - Sontar-blah! Ok it wasn't that bad, but the pun stays...B-

4.6) Doctor's Daughter - Georgia was a fox, alas, a pair of christmas socks...C+

4.7) Unicorn & the Wasp - GEOS says pile of snot, I say "topping day what!!"...A-

4.8) Silence In The Library - Mister Gold!! go and stand in the corner and think
about what you've done!! Moffat's fresh axe blade may
fall hard methinks...A-

4.9) Forest Of The Dead - Moffatt phones in his conclusion in from RTD's jacuzi?
"Here Stee!, let me show you the reins love!"...B+

4.10) Midnight - "Russell love, can you hold my reins while I try yours?" RTD's
pen??? 9 out of 10!...A

4.11) Turn Left - Poutie Billie hunts down her missing accent with a big one, timey
blimey!...B+

4.12) Stolen Earth - "Phil love! have you seen the kitchen sink?...Oh that's right,
I remember where I put it!"...B+

4.13) Journey's End?..or!.."RTD throws his dartboard at a dart factory" or "Russ
pins a donkey on his tale and shoves a shaken champagne
bottle up its "black hole"". Alright!!! I admit
it! I ate the whole can of condensed milk with a golden
tea spoon. Curse you empty carbs!...B

Torchwood Returns!....but first a quick look back...

Hello loves,

Last night the Co-Pilot & I strapped ourselves to the couch with some Gin & Tonics & a vast array of nibbles to re-watch the final two episodes from season 1 of Torchwood. On the whole we were suitably impressed.

I was a restless 'fan in waiting' with Torchwood for most of the first season. I wanted to adore it but felt it was often flawed & rarely worthy of my potentially slavish, slobbering fan love. Of course I was going to watch every episode regardless, but it was very easy to pick at. Slow motion 'strutting in duffle coats' wank, Cardiff tourist video padding, ridiculous plot contrivances, clunky set pieces & some blushingly embarrasing dialouge just to name a few of the constant (but very much repairable) faults. The basic concept of Torchwood is strong & the cast is a winner, the production team just needed to do a lot of tightening up & thankfully they got very near the mark by the end of the season.

The final two episodes are a huge improvement on most of the season up to that point. John Barrowman shows unexpected & much welcome subtlety & humility, particularly in 'Capt Jack Harkness'. The posturing, vaseline grinned cardboard-try-hard man of mystery has given way to a textured, sympathetic & nobly tragic figure. With this change, Jack has become much sexier & more ponderable. The appearance of the real Capt. Jack on the scene makes Jack more mysterious than ever & at the same time much more vulnerable as his fraudulent identity is exposed. This gives Barrowman lots of 'actors meat' to bite into. Barrowman, to his credit, knew what the stakes were in these crucial episodes & he plays the revelation & its aftermath beautifully. When it really counted, after seeming to be coasting at times during the season, he pulled out all the stops. As the 'cockular' (as opposed to titular? ey, ey!) head of the cast, he needed too.

The cocky Captain is rendered relatively shy & awkward by the stunning Mr Rippy as the 'real' Capt Jack. Barrowman wouldn't have had to try too hard to be convincing in his attraction to Rippy though. Rippy is quite possibly the sexiest guest star ever to grace the Who-niverse. He even makes Barrowman look a little homely (only by impossible comparison though!...sorry love!!). Their scenes together are spot on; resplendant with natural intimate chemistry, smouldering sexual tension & careful nuance. Surely Rippy & Barrowman need to spin-off into another spin-off & enjoy all the 'fondant supreme' that a saucy 10.30 evening slot can offer!!!!

Dramatic highpoints were plentiful. Gwen's breakdown as she cradles Rhys' lifeless, bloodied body in 'End Of Days' is gut wrenching. Her anguish, while riskily noisy & frantic, is utterly believable in the hands of such an assured actress. A quite stunning performance. The gunpoint standoff with the team divided over whether or not to open the rift & who to side with was another breathstopper, superbly played across the board.

And who can forget ol' 'vinegar lips'; Bilis Manger. At times sounding like a camp, evil D84, at others reminding one of a more theatrical third cousin of the unblinking, malevolant Morgus from Androzani, he is the best villian that Dr Who hasn't had in its 3 seasons so far. He is the finest 'nasty' in the new Who-niverse. Shifting from posturing eye-brow raising villian to brutally callous monster in a blink (& sometimes with a poisonous purse of his vinegar lips) he is truly marvellous. Hopefully RTD had him put on ice immediately after filming 'End Of Days' so that his advanced years don't prevent a slew of much anticipated return appearances.

Although the huge stomping horned beastie was a d-grade excuse for a lavish season finale showdown, Barrowman's conviction just got it over the line. The Torchwood team friction was the real showdown anyway. That was more than good enough. Jack's resurrection 3 days (?!) after vanquishing the beast was lovely too, the religious inconography that would have soiled any such moment in recent Dr Who is thankfully absent & we have a truly touching & beautifully underplayed scene with Jack welcomed back by the surprised team. No need for sweeping strings; the guilty tear soaked look at Jack from Owen, the excited rush for a hug by Tosh, the trembling, disbelieving lovers kiss from Ianto; they all speak volumes & help the scene to resonate much more deeply than would have been the case with the orchestral mush & stylised emotional manipulation of new series Dr Who. The teacher must learn from the student it seems.

I'm very much looking forward to season 2 & this little freshen up on where things left off has filled me with fan saliva of the finest kind, ready to gush forth...

Lucozer...

The Lucozer's first whiff of spring!!

The following people/ beings can roll the Lucozer's wild oats any time they like!!!

The list is not exhaustive, but I'd be utterly exhausted....

Ian Chesterton (circa 'Marco Polo')
Marco Polo (circa 'Marco Polo'?!)
Steven Taylor (circa 'Dalek's Masterplan')
Brett Vyon (around about then as well)
Jamie McCrimmon (circa 'The Mind Robber' in the void!)
The Karkus (in 'The Mind Robber', right after Zoe has made him submit!)
Alt. universe Sgt. Benton (circa 'Inferno'...I like 'em mean sometimes)
Irongron (in the 'Time Warrior' after a jolly good scrub)
Harry Sullivan (circa 'Terror Of The Zygons', in the barn, with the pitchfork!)
Romana 1 (circa 'Ribos Operation'...raise that eyebrow mistress!....please!!)
Kimus (from 'Pirate Planet'...I would like to materialise around him)
The 5th Doctor (circa 'Black Orchid' in the casual silk robe)
The Cyber Leader (circa 'Earthshock'...that voice...that expressive silver chin!)
Mr Mariner (from 'Enlightenment'...is that weird? probably)
Dibber (with his 'heavy artillery' in 'Mysterious Planet')
'That guy with the motorbike' (circa 'Delta & The Bannermen')
The Destroyer (from 'Battlefield'..with a bag over his head of course!)
Capt. Jack (circa 'Utopia' with those big cylinders!!)
Capt. Jack Harkness (the real one from Torchwood ep 'Capt. Jack...', phwooaaaaarrr!)
The PA to the Prime Minister (from 'Christmas Invasion')
Ianto Jones (with a stiff scotch on a silver tray)
'That kidnapper guy' (from 'Gridlock')
Riley Vashtee (from '42'..'Whoops, I jettisoned our capsule, how ever will we spend
our last moments alive?...hmmm!)


Lucozer...