Oh Russell! You've put on your naughty apron haven't you love?! You know, the one with the big plastic knockers on it. You've served up for chrissy dinner just what I expected really; a fat, greasy turkey. However, it must be said, a relatively tender & juicy one (compared to Runaway Bride) with lashings of salty luke-warm gravy on a table laden with glittery party poppers full of quick bangs (& cheap plastic crap of course).
The first 10-15 minutes were actually rather good. There wasn't too much to fault. The set up & lead up to the asteroid hits was handled with Russell's trademark casual, off-handed (over)confidence backed up by some marvellous FX. The Titanic looked great hovering above Earth & the TARDIS walls re-aligning looked fab. I liked the sonic screwdriver/ champagne cork gag too. Oh how we drunkenly tittered. Geoffrey Palmer was the other great thing about the opening minutes. He invested his small part with subtetly & depth. He was sadly underused though & shamefully killed off after only 15 minutes at most.
The re-jigged theme tune! I almost forgot. Wonderful. I've never been a huge fan of Mr Gold's OTT orchestral version but the drum heavy remix with new string stabs & synth pads has well & truly polished the turd. It's now the sweetest poo brown you've ever heard. It's the best version since the marvellous 1980 Howell version. I know the Co-Pilot is a big softie for the '86 mix though. If Murray re-mixed this himself, then, well, I'm his newest tolerator!
From about the 15 minute mark on though, Russell's writing lapses into trademark laziness; too much running around, adolescent lovey dovey mush, theft of ideas (I'll only call it homage when it's done well) such as the second rate 'Robots Of Death' schtick, silly psuedo religious claptrap AGAIN!!! (the Doctor summoning the angels) Really Russell! Come on!!...just to name a few of the flatulent faults. I did however like the flabby fancy dress couple & when dear old 'Buckingham Bessy' waved off the Titanic with her cheery tidings, I did want to give Russell a big bear hug. If you're going to be silly, then be operatically silly like that. Don't go half way. Much of VOTD goes half way; it's half way silly, half way dramatic, halfway credible & halfway scripted.
Kylie was 4 parts cheap bubbly white to 1 part chartreuse (I HATE chartreuse, it tastes like dishwashing liquid). Not too bad I suppose, but when we could have had a Martha or a Sally Sparrow aiding the Doctor, it really wasn't good enough. Clive Swift does quite well despite some lame dialouge.
'Voyage Of The Damned' is the huge fart that just won't come out when you're lying face down on your bed christmas night after eating & drinking far too much all day. You know it will stink but you know it's the only thing that will make you feel better. VOTD is that kind of awkward contradiction. It is as awkward as the metaphor I've just coughed up like a furball in an effort to capture this unweildly slab of christmas pud.
For the Co-Pilot, who had his birthday on the day of viewing & assembled his family & friends in a marvellous 'Anethian tribute' to himself, it turned out to be the token gift inside the huge, flashy package with golden ribbons & bows. Better than 'Runaway Bride' but a few mince pies short of 'Christmas Invasion'
'Weakling Scum!!!!'...Lucozer....
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